stylish Teacher Tuesday

Well, I had good intentions today. I've been wanting a gauzy, 70's style dress for awhile now. I found this little number on sale at Old Navy--damn you Old Navy, every time I try to get away from you, you pull me back in! In my mind 63 didn't sound too cold, but with the rain and wind it sucked. In the end it didn't matter much anyway because A. threw up at school, so we came home early. Jeans for me for the rest of the day. Oh well, I tried.

Details:
Dress: Old Navy
tights: Kohl's
shoes: Aldo
jacket: thrift
jewelry: F21, I think.

Doesn't that sky in the background look so wintery? It better not frost or snow! I'll be losing lots of baby trees and plants if it does. Grrrrr....winter. Go away.

On a more adorable note:
Check out this pic of Bulldog. This is the face he made at my dinner the other night. Not sure if his yucky cold made him not want to eat, or if he really just doesn't like curry. Either way, he let me know how he felt about the food.

I'll go back to tending to my sick boy now.
xoxo
~L

What she said....

For days I have been thinking about writing about Monkey and what its like to be his foster mom. Strangely though, I can rant and rave about my feelings to my husband, but find it difficult to put them into words here. Then, low and behold Alison over at Monked and Fifed wrote a beautiful little piece about a young girl who has been spending a lot with her and her family, and her feelings about that little girl not being around much anymore. As I read Allison's words I felt like, this is someone who just gets me.

She wrote about many of the same feelings I have on a weekly, if not daily, basis. Emotions like feeling skeptical about having another kid in my home--especially a needy one, guilt associated with spending time with another child--almost like cheating on your own kids, guilt associated with being a little bit relieved when the child isn't around, upset over realizing that the child just may be better off with you and your family than their own, and sadness when that child isn't around. Also, as we move closer to the time that he will be reunited with bio dad, I feel this nagging pinch of loss. I know that when he is gone for good, its gonna be bad--really bad.

Lately I've been torn between wanting to hug and smooch all over him constantly (knowing that my days are numbered) and wanting to distance myself from him. Monkey has become such a big part of our little family, I've almost forgotten what life was like before his arrival. We are starting to get a little taste of what's to come now that he's started spending Saturdays and Sundays with bio dad. It's definitely much more quiet in the house. Bulldog has no one to fight with over toys, and speaking of toys....the house stays much cleaner on those days because Monkey has a need to play with everything! He has the attention span of a gnat. The last couple of weekends have really made it clear to me how much easier it is to have just the two kids. This is when the guilt kicks in....I know in my heart that this little boy would have a better life and bigger opportunities with my family. It's true. It might not be nice to say, but its true. However, I also realize that without him here, I have more time for my own kids, my husband, and for myself. I feel a little selfish saying that. Life is supposed to be a little fun though, right? Not that he isn't fun--he's an amazing little kid, but he's also a lot of work.

When the day comes, I know the hubs will be heartbroken too. He may not really show it, whereas I will probably be an emotional mess, but I know its gonna be hard for him. Monkey loves working with Ian on the farm. Although all the kids like their outside time, Monkey loves being outdoors the most. He's in heaven watching the horses, riding on the tractor, or just simply playing in the yard. Its so sad to think that in as little as a month he could be living in a small apartment on one of the worst streets in Durham. We have worked so hard with him. When he came to us he only spoke about 5 words. Its amazing that six months later he speaks in complete sentences, has formed familial bonds, has let go of his aggressive tendencies (other than those common to your average 2 year old), and has been removed of his developmentally delayed status. We just hope and pray that the big change he is getting ready to experience doesn't cause him to regress too much. In that way, having a foster child is super frustrating. You pour your heart, soul, and energy into a kid and then you have to send them back to a life that is probably not as good as they one they've lived with you. That's the goal though, right? DSS does all they can to reunite families. Sometimes a little too much, if you ask me. They believe that the best place for a child is with their bio family. I'm afraid that as a foster parent and teacher, I don't necessarily agree with their philosophy....but that's best saved for another post.

Will I continue to foster after Monkey is gone? Not sure yet. Depends on how bad it feels to let go. I'll keep you posted on that one. In the meantime, I'd like to say thanks Allison. Your blog has entertained me, given me good recipes, and most importantly helped me sort through some of the emotions I have on being a parent.

Monkey's second day at our home. He's grown so much since then.

Monkey and Bulldog playing--and nicely at that.

xoxo
~L

35!!!

So, on the 2nd I turned 35. It's taken a couple of days for that number to sink in. 35. It just sounds so grown up. Funny thing is, I don't always feel as grown up as 35 sounds or should be.
Over the last couple of months, I've been thinking a lot about how a 35 year old should look. Let's face it, at some point I have to stop getting Delia's catalogues and perusing the junior's department at TJ Maxx. That said, I don't want to look like a boring grown up. There has got to be some balance. What does a 35 year old look like? What is age appropriate? What would Stacey and Clinton say? I guess I'll figure it out over time--one big ole work in progress, huh?

Here's what I wore on my birthday. I was going for a boho, southwestern look. The outfit looked a lot better in my head than in real life. First off, it was not as flattering as I thought it would be. Secondly, a coworker friend of mine said I looked like I walked out of a Chadwick's catalogue. Yikes! See what I mean...gotta find that balance between age appropriate (not like a dowdy hag) and somewhat fashionable (dare I say hip). Like I said...work in progress.

Talking to the MIL in England.

Why won't he ever pose for a picture like a normal human being?

Details:
shirt: Target
skirt & belt: thrift
boots: Aldo

Overall I had a nice birthday. I started my day with a student bringing me a very yummy, giant Elmo cupcake. I also had students write me lots of nice birthday messages on my white board, and one student drew a portrait of me.

Isn't that sweet student of mine so talented?

After school, the we played in the yard for a bit. Then we took the kids for a walk downtown and went to eat Mexican food at Bandido's. The food was yummy, per usual. Unfortunately, Bulldog was not on his best behavior-which is very apparent by the look on my hubby's face in the picture below. See, Bulldog is a pig--which means that he did not want to share the basket of chips on the table and showed his dissatisfaction by screaming at the top of his lungs. It got so bad that Ian had to take him out of the restaurant. Needless to say, we didn't stay for a sombrero, spanish happy birthday and flan. Bummer huh?

Mr. Happy

Monkey.

THe littles enjoying a little post Mexican play time before bed.

On Friday, my work buddies treated me to a night out at Tony's Bourbon St. Oyster bar. What a place! Its not the kind of place I would've picked for myself, but it was priceless as far as people watching was concerned. I even spied one of the moms that A. goes to Scouts with lap dancing and smooching some dude in the corner. Good times. Thank you, friends.

Details:
dress & clutch: thrift
shoes: F21

I have some pretty incredible video of the evening, and if I can figure out how to upload it, I'll post it. I'll try to work on that cause its classic!

Hope your weekend was filled with friends and dancing too!
Smooches,
~L

stylin' Teacher Tuesday

Details:
shirt: Chadwick's
sweater: Anthro
skirt:thrift
tights: Kohl's
shoes: Target

my non touched up almost 35 year old face.

I love this skirt fabric...and the little bows on the pockets.

All is well here. The weather has been glorious, so we've been busy on the farm. The fields have been harrowed, the garden beds have been turned once, the yard has been reseeded, and the patio has been cleared of all the junk that it accumulated over the winter. Yay! Soon it'll be time for some good old fashion porch sittin'.

Also, did I mention that we are mid bathroom renovation? What a friggin' mess. Unfortunately, its going a lot slower than what I had hoped. I promise I'll show it off when its finally finished. It may be next year, but it'll get done.

We celebrated A's blue and gold Cub Scout ceremony over the weekend. I'll do a whole scouting post later in the week. I have lots of pics to share.

Like I said, life on the farm is busy, which is the cause for my not as frequent blogging. I'm gonna try to be better. Pinky promise.
So, friends...how are you?
~L